I know my country..

I know my country.., originally uploaded by V-Say (thegavino).

I know my country does not have the greatest history. We’ve killed thousands in our “manifest destiny”, tricked countries into war with us, and used others as our servants (the politically correct tern would be “interests”). We forsake our GOD for the idols of the world and now we our headed down into, what could possibly be, the “Greater” Depression.

Where not the greatest stranded to hold up. But the ideas on which this government was founded: liberty, limited government, and a sound monetary system, is something that every people, tribe, and nation could find “good” for themselves.

I’ve had ideas like going out and spreading these ideals to foreign countries and peoples. But will they really listen? Is the “sheeple” attitude a uniquely a American one, or one that can be applied to all of mankind.

Some times I consider that idea to be nonsense. That I am deserting my country. And that even if I was given the opportunity to do so, I would be the wrong tool for the job.

I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. Some prayers would be nice. Keep finding that I’m slipping back into the norm and bliss of a false truth.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=8PIEGK0IbA4

Back and with a filthy mouth

Well once again I have been slacking on my blogging duties. So let me outline what I have been up to as of late and then on to my main subject (as things go the “been up to” part might be longer then the main subject.). 

As of late I have been studying. I have a new plan laid out and have a lot of dedication. Things have been working out rather well even tho there are some things that need to be tweaked. I began a regular weekday with reading, writing, and math.  Write now I am reading Revelation All of GOD’s Word Revealed! by Brian Young and have finished Ron Paul’s Revolution A Manifesto. Revelation goes down verse by verse and connects the other prophetic books for a clearer picture with out preconceived ideas (i.e. pre trib., post trib.). I love John’s Revelation, it’s simply one of my favorites. You might not be able to find out the hour or the day but the Bible says nothing about getting close. A matter a fact Jesus uses this as a picture, “Now learn this lesson from the fig tree: As soon as it’s twigs get tender and it’s leaves come out, you know that Summer is near. Even so, when you see all these things, you know that it is near, right at the door”. (Matthew 24:32-33). But I am going down a rabbit trail. Writing is a thing I enjoy but I have to have something I care about in order to right about which is not very easy. Blog writing about my day and constitute it normally but I feel like I am sort of cheating so I have been writing ideas down. It does not make much sense to anyone who is not  me (which is everyone) but it makes perfect sense to me. Math is getting me hard since it is my number one zone I struggle in the most. I am making head way and pressing on. Other things I try to do if I have time is practicing a new hobby I have taken up which is harmonica playing. It’s a little hard since I forgot how to read sheet music and anything really is hard for me to learn. But I am getting there. 

Outside of studying I have vastly improving my photography by focusing in on little things that make a shot. Also photo editing is a key. Getting the right colors to match not only the mood but the feeling as well. If your a photographer you know what I am getting at. I am wanting to go out more and get pictures however my weakness (the fear of man) has been getting in the way. It’s really a foolish reason really but I just don’t like going out and getting pictures in this town. Maybe city photography (which I love a bit) is just not my thing, or maybe to the contrarily I am not trying hard enough. Give it a little time and maybe I will come around. I am trying to convince my father to go on more walks with me so I have someone to be with while I am getting pictures but since the cooler days will be bearing upon us soon I don’t that will happen. 

So that’s what I have been up to. Not much really. Now I want to share my main topic (which I just figured is only just a little bit.) in my study tonight I have figured that I have not had the cleanest tongue. I have been letting little swears come in more and more in my life. My family’s policy is and has been no swearing.  But I have been letting little ones in once in a while and my sinful side has been giving me false assumptions that it’s a bit of a good thing. Im not a “pole up his but” Christian. But today in my reading I read a verse that has smashed my sinful assumption. 

But now you also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth. Lie not one to another, seeing that you have put off the old man with his deeds; And have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him: Where there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcision nor uncircumcision, Barbarian, Scythian, bond nor free,: but Christ is all, and in all. 

-Colossians 3: 8-11 

This chapter is addressing conduct among Christians. Filthy communication jumped out at me when I read my daily reading. I understand the times and culture aspects of what stands as “filthy communication” but I think words such as s*it, f*ck, d*ck, b*tch can still be considered foul in American and indeed in a much larger scale Western culture. The word on this list I have been struggling with is s*it and it’s been slipping out more and more. I have not been saying it in casual conversation but I figure I should nip this one in the butt before it becomes a real problem. Please pray for me in that area. 

Well that pretty much raps it up for me this time. Hopefully I will get back on this blogging ball and sorry for my- er wait, I don’t have any readers. haha. Next time I want to focus on the next wave of government bail outs. That should be fun eh?

November 5th

Today is November 5th. Last year I was a raving Ron Paul supporter trapped in a military base, a perfect example on what America will become if we do not stand up for our rights. I was hopeful and ready to support my candidate to the very end, pledging I would vote for him. Yesterday I fulfilled that promise. Some say it was a waste of a vote and I watched people I respected go off and vote for either McCain or Obama, the two people they where against whole hardly. But to me my vote was a promise. I will not vote for the lesser of two evils. I will not shatter my vote in the 3rd party. I will drive my vote home and remind my party our actions are unacceptable. No longer will I sit back and allow my freedom die and I will remove this foot hold Satan has placed in me.

On the edge, here we go, let’s go take the plunge..

Wake Me Up On Time

Some times I have a song that really resonates with me. This is one of them. It really captures my feelings I had before I moved to Utah. Now it has come back to be my most favorite songs and I figured I would share it with you all.
The trumpet sounds like a worldwide alarm clock.
The dead rise, this might come as a shock.
The day the grave will be unlocked.
I've seen so many turn away, the one's had no doubt.
If you've been around, you know what I'm talking about.
On fire but now their burning out.
Don't they know that this is a long road.
The race we run's a marathon.
And all I want to say, is I'm not here to stay.
Life ends and I don't mind,
Just wake me up on time.
Just wake me up on time.
Do you ever think about what you'll become?
The reason why it's not a game but a race we run.
Who reigns are those who overcome.
You don't have to finish first, just stay on track.
Turn not right or left but straight up the path.
There are those who run that will turn back.
When Jesus goes, are you gonna follow?
Even when you feel you can't go on.
And all I want to say, is I'm not here to stay.
Life ends and I don't mind,
Just wake me up on time.
And all I want to say, is I'm not here to stay.
And I don't care as long, as I can finish strong.
Just wake me up on time,
Just wake me up on time.
Don't they know that this is a long road.
The race we run's a marathon.
And all I want to say is I'm not here to stay.
Life ends and I don't mind,
Just wake me up on time.
And all I want to say is I'm not here to stay.
And I don't care as long, as I can finish strong.
Just wake me up on time,
Just wake me up on time.

20/20

This just shows how pathetic I am. What greater torture is there for me then just to sit at home in boredom? I just sit back and wait and read. Everyone seems to be going on with there lives. Farther and farther away they go, Im just sitting here. But how do I ‘move’ so to speak? How do I know I will not pick up and leave. I really regret where I have taken myself. Hindsight is always 20/20 for the most part, something that GOD I assume foresaw and programed into man to sway him to make better choices in life. That’s something I am never good at. It’s the old, I know what to do situation. I have been sitting in a bit of sorrow as of late. Not so much that I am bored but what I never did. There are some people I would like to have whiteness’d to in Dugway, people I would have loved to consul, people I would have loved to include in my life. But I let it slip by. Again 20/20. I guess the video game effect is in me. I realized I screwed up and now I wanna hit the ‘restart button’. I got what I always wanted I suppose. To be alone and to do nothing but read and study. But what good is it to know everything but have no one to share it with? The closest thing I had to that was Zac and Tyler. They would sit threw and listen for the most part. But I let that pass. It’s becoming a longing inside me to do it over. I read and watch to much science fiction. I just want it all to be a dream and restart.

I have prayed for this twice. In Alabama I wanted to leave. I got what I wanted. In Utah I wanted to leave I got what I wanted again. Each time the end result is worse. Now I am stuck in a cold fallen city. So close to my desired location, but still far enough. I have felt really guilty as well. I have let my spiritual life stagnate. It started when I got what I wanted. I began teaching Sunday school. I remember having great biblical studies with Zac. Deep conversations. Something changed in us, something I don’t think was really for the better. I can’t speak for Zac. But I think he has grown more arrogant and unwilling to change. But maybe he has always been like that. But we had a thirst before. I blew it and theres nothing much more to be said on it. Now I am in a forsaken place. People just don’t care for anything out here. Just give them there gas and beer and leave them alone. Or maybe there is more to them there the stereotype we give them? Maybe it’s me. Maybe I am the thing I have hated the most. Not so much a racist but something near that. Having a idea of someone. Guilty before proven innocent. I am just so insecure about myself. I feel very flimsy. And now I am gray. Everything I can be, I am not. I got what I wanted and realized that what I had was better then now. I pray the LORD will use me and revive me. Perhaps the LORD has given me a new opportunity to fast. My mother and father have been warning me that I am to stimulated with information. Maybe I just need a hard reboot. Shut it all down and let the LORD refresh my soul.

Happy medium and a humble heart

My project as of late, besides trying to get my high school diploma, is trying to find a happy medium in life. I find my self at two extremes contently. Either I am really happy and oblivious to what’s happening around me or I am really depressed and close myself off to my family and friends. It’s really hard to do. I don’t want to be caught up in the “everything is getting better” attitude the secular world seems to be handing out. But I don’t want to be so down in the dumps and the “why bother” attitude. Where is this happy medium? I have been focusing on this in my studies as of late and I hope to find a answer.

Another issue that’s bothering me. I don’t feel satisfied or at home. I feel stuck. It’s the same feeling I had at Dugway but it’s worse. I sort of regret leaving Dugway as soon as I did. I really loved the friends I had and at lest I had things in motion I just hate where I have taken myself with out GOD as of late. I have been neglecting him again. One thing that comes with prayer is responsibility. Don’t forget where you came from but don’t let it hold you back. Don’t forget how GOD lifted you out of the mud but don’t stay in it. Gosh I always feel like I have no point when I write. Everything sounds good in your head until you try to write it down.

Another thing I am trying to get a better grasp of is my humility. I have always envied those who can work for so much and be humble in heart. How do you do it? I can be very annoying, trying to impress people or get there attention. I want that to change..

A step up in life

As of late, things have been getting really serous in my life. My mother and father continue to hack away at plans to buy a home with property within the next year. The GED for Dummies study book has arrived as well. I am not getting my GED but testing out instead. My mother knows all about it and has it all worked out, it’s beyond me at this time.

The question on what I “want to do with my life” has surfaced again and GOD, I have a feeling, has been placing it on my conscience. Which is exactly what I have been asking in my prayers to him for. I have been really focused on efficiency in every part of my life as well.. I have been zoning down on how much I drink and eat and how much electricity and water I use. I have been writing things down like “when’s the right time to wash your sheets and blankets” or “what temperature should it be for me to open my windows”. Things are becoming more planned out in my life. I have attempted this several times but have failed every time. Over controlling the wrong things in my life and uncontrolling the right. Hopefully I don’t fail this time.

Also I have a strong desire to write articles. Not like spur of the moment papers but looking up sources and putting it in my own words.  I have been rewriting almost everything I write so it sounds more fluid to read as well as to speak. No doubt I will rewrite this over and over again. Again I feel this is the LORD’s annswer to my prayers to be more diligent in my work and have a passion for it. The idea of a podcast has also been floating around in my head.

On an off-beat subject I would like to ask in this entry if I can write a essay of sorts to my friend Zac about my beliefs surrounding 9/11. I know he won’t look it up for himself but maybe he would consider it if I wrote it it to him.

Oh and I will post the other things, the papers up as well.

I sure pray this keeps up!

I had a great day

For a nerd that stays home all day with his mom, today was a good day! I got up really cranky this morning but that soon changed when I sat down with a bag of cookies. My mom turned on a movie called “The Firm”, about this dude who goes to work with a law firm but finds out its controlled by the mob. He tries to get out but the FBI get him to go back and get documents that would show the firm’s evil. It was a pretty good movie. They had a lot of funniness among all the dark underling of the story. Something I like a lot in movies. The movie latest’ed FOREVER however.  It was lunch when it was over.. I got out some toast to eat and smothered it in honey. IT WAS GROOD. Not the best diet. I have noticed I have been eating less again, which is bad in a sense I get a little ill when I do that. I need to force myself to eat.. Kind of sad you have to focus on that in a country with the fattest people in the world. But anyway. After word I took a shower and shaved. I cut myself a little and noticed I am breaking out a little. Its almost as bad when I was 15. I have been blessed to have mild acne but I guess it’s catching up with me. lol But who wants to hear that!? I also noticed my hair is going a bit flat on the top which means probably by February I will get my hair cut short again. Which is no big deal, long or short I don’t care as long as I have my hair. Besides mindy like’s my hair flat anyways (; But enough about my grooming. haha. After that I went with my mother and got Kimble from school and got back in record time. Then I went in my room, checked emails, burnt photos to disk and talked and got zac in trouble at school again. lol After zac got out of school I called zac again and wanted to know if he had any plans. I got to pray with him about his hard drive on his computer and then him yell at it. “BOOT DARN YOU!” Which sounds like more evidence that zac is turning into some creepy Gac. A hybrid of a zac and myself. Oh course no one else understands what the heck I am talking about! lol I am a little hyper. I had a nice conversation with my parents. My dad was a little hyper as well, he broke into this awesome Austrian accent! Then I got to hear about this dating service in Japan where chicks there can start dating male avatars. haha. Wow.. not enough guys in Japan I guess. China will be invading Japan soon just because they have more women then they do. Ahh.. After that I played the best game of OLX with zac EVER. It was not because I was winning, far from it, I was the first one out. It was zac. He was sucking the whole time like me but then out of nowhere, he started kicking some butt! He was dogging morts left and right. I was yelling and screaming. It was worse then me at a foot ball game! It was amazing.. Until his mom came in and said he had to stop playing.. jerk. It was only 5pm for him!! Gah.. anyways. I will not go ranting about zac’s mom. haha.

Why being lazy is stupid

Well another example of my laziness. I have had all the time in the world to register to vote and have not taken it. This morning I was going to go register but I left my headphones in my computer. So my alarm program only sounded on the headphones and I slept in. GAH! I woke up a little late. The entire day I forgot about what I was going to do until tonite. I found out that registering to vote ended today and it was at dinner when I found out. I was so angry at myself. I can’t believe I did this. I was looking forward to voting for my Representatives this year and now I blew it. Sucks.. Well I am going to bed now and hopefully I will learn from this event.

So as we slip away

Well has many of you all ready know we failed. Are Senators and Representatives would not hear us. I sat down with my mother and watched them debate for some five hours and heard time and time again how they hated the bill but doing nothing was worse. Or how against there better judgement they where voting for it. We are approaching the wall, the question is: how long do you want the pain to last? As Ron Paul has said time and time again, it’s going to hurt but it will only last 1 to 3 years. Now we are prolonging the agony for 5 to 10 years. My mother noted that Ron Paul must be tired of not being heard. People interview him saying, “you said this was coming! You where right!” but when they ask how to fix it they freak out, “that would never work”. It’s crazy. I feel the same way and have about given up. People are going to revolt for a good or bad reason. Which what the shadow government wants anyway. Pounding away at the issue I will write my fellow man and tell them who not to vote for on election day. Not only are we voting for a Commander and Chief but we are voting for Representatives. I am more interested in that race then the Presidential one. We the People have more of a hope in local government and are Representatives then we do with are Senators and President. At lest I know the Representatives are reading emails because my mother has been chewing them out. I could not get threw to mine because there servers went down. So now I am watching and waiting for the next Great Depression to hit. We are all ready on the set course.

By the way it seems I suck at writing papers.. I seem to be good when I am being challenged on a belief then when I am going out with it. Better at defense then offense I guess…